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talisker25 Keeper of the Quaich


Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 1991 Location: north east
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 10:59 am Post subject: another joke |
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Paddy and Murphy have been sent to paint a flagpole but first they have to measure it to estimate the cost. They have been stood for about an hour trying to figure out how to to the top to do this when a crane comes along and stops. The driver gets out and asks what the problem is and Paddy and Murphy explain. The crane driver says that's easy and I will give you a hand. He connects the crane jib to the top of the flagpole and pulls it out of the ground and lays it flat, he than get out of his crane and starts to measure the flagpole. Paddy turns to Murphy and says, pillock, we need the height not the bloody length.  _________________ i've been on a whisky diet, i've lost 3 days already
The trouble with jogging is that ice falls out of your glass
http://talikerstantrums.blogspot.com/ |
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talisker25 Keeper of the Quaich


Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 1991 Location: north east
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Paddy was helping police with their enquiries and the police officer asked him where he was between 5 and 11, Paddy said 'I was at primary school'  _________________ i've been on a whisky diet, i've lost 3 days already
The trouble with jogging is that ice falls out of your glass
http://talikerstantrums.blogspot.com/ |
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Johnny Site Admin

Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3556
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talisker25 Keeper of the Quaich


Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 1991 Location: north east
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 11:58 am Post subject: |
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Johnny wrote: |
Which Christmas crackers have you opened early  |
Gosh!! is it Christmas already..........................
Paddy and Mick were stood at a bus stop when a lorry carrying turf went past. Paddy said that that's what he was going to do when he won the lottery. Mick asked what he was going to do? and Paddy said, send his lawn away to be cut. _________________ i've been on a whisky diet, i've lost 3 days already
The trouble with jogging is that ice falls out of your glass
http://talikerstantrums.blogspot.com/ |
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Johnny Site Admin

Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3556
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talisker25 Keeper of the Quaich


Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 1991 Location: north east
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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Johnny wrote: |
That's it I'm looking for a jester icon for your forum name  |
What about this one then!!!
Four Jamaicans were sitting around a camp fire They were all philosophising on what was the fastest thing in the world. Seymour said "me tink de fassess ting is a thought, because b4 u can tink it it is already thought". Winston said "nah man, da fessess ting is a blink cos be4 you tink to blink you dun blink." Delroy said, "no ma da fassess ting is helectricity becas when you turn on the light it travel fass and da light come on." Leroy say "nah man' you is aaaaaaallll wrong man!!!!! I knows dat for a fact dat de fassess thing in the world most definite is diarrhoea cos last light b4 i could tink, blink or switch on the light, me sh*t meself!!!!." _________________ i've been on a whisky diet, i've lost 3 days already
The trouble with jogging is that ice falls out of your glass
http://talikerstantrums.blogspot.com/ |
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Alex 56 Superior Blend

Joined: 21 Oct 2006 Posts: 56
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Posted: Sun May 16, 2010 10:17 am Post subject: |
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I came back just for these  |
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talisker25 Keeper of the Quaich


Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 1991 Location: north east
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 10:27 am Post subject: |
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Mrs Paddy was driving Paddy to work when they were involved in an accident and Mrs Paddy was concussed, when the Paramedic arrived he asked Paddy if his wife was compus mentis and Paddy said, no, he thought she was just 3rd party fire and theft  _________________ i've been on a whisky diet, i've lost 3 days already
The trouble with jogging is that ice falls out of your glass
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Johnny Site Admin

Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3556
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Peat Reak Single Maltster


Joined: 04 Oct 2005 Posts: 126
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.
"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I." |
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